Sometimes I Want To Call You But I Know You Won't Be There.

Last night I dreamt that Ethan died. That everything that happened with finding out about Lorelei and Coop was happening all over again and that I had to talk to people about how sad it was. It was weird because we aren't together anymore and I wasn't sure how to act because of the fact that we haven't hung out in like 3 weeks. I can't believe it's been that long. It's weird.

The weirdest part about having a death dream is when a real death happens the next day. Today we had to put my mom's dog, Cosmo down. He was sick for about a month, coughing a lot and they thought he had pnemonia. They gave him medication but it didn't work and he got worse and worse. On Saturday my mom took him to the pet emergency room because he couldn't even move and didn't eat a thing for a whole day. So she took him in and for two nights he was there while they tested him. He became oxygen dependent and couldn't leave this little room. He had an IV and everything. It was so sad. My mom was crying all day because she knew he was going to have to go down. I didn't cry until the doctor told us he was bleeding into his chest cavity and probably wouldn't make it. I cried a lot more than I thought I would. My sister cried too and Maddie was with us as well.

So we sat with him and pet him and said goodbye. Then my mom and I were there when they put him down. It was very weird because one minute he was breathing really heavily (because it was so hard) and then he just stopped. He died and he was only 3 1/2. So young. I loved him even though we had him for less than a year. I love you Cosmo!

I'm tired of so much death and I'm tired of having something to be sad about everytime I'm happy again. Le sigh. That is life.
.Stephanie.