There's Just One Thing That I Need To Say, Before I Close My Eyes and Walk Away.
Yesterday was supposed to be mine and Ethan's real, official, we made it!, 1 year anniversary. I think we had planned to try a new restaurant instead of Syrah or something.
Some days I totally get it. I'm understanding and I realize it's for the best and I'm happy he's having fun in his new house with his friends. It's something he needs and I get that. But there are days, like yesterday and today, that I just don't get it. I just don't understand it at all and it's not even me crying or pouting or anything, I'm just not understanding. I got home just now and I just am devastated that he's not going to be here later. I sat down in the middle of Lauren's room for a minute and just looked around. I didn't even cry. I just looked and felt so heavily sad. Two weeks ago exactly all his stuff was still there and how was I supposed to know how badly I had screwed up? Relationships take work and he didn't even want to try and days like today, I can't believe it. I am just shocked and sad and he loved me, so why was he so harsh and why did he cut me off so much?
But then I think about it more and I try to understand and I do. I get it and I'm okay with it and I want him to be happy. But one day, if we don't find ourselves with other people, I hope he can remember how much I loved him and how much he loved me too and we can go back to the way it was, when we were happy and silly.
Don't Forget Me.
Don't Regret Me.
Don't Suspect Me.
Don't Neglect Me.
posted by Stephanie @ 9:16 PM
1 Comments:
i feel like this is a lot like what happened with me and buffi. something happened one day and it was like like...bam, i'm a different person. and i didn't want to be with him anymore.
i mean, it's definitely different, because i think that buffi and i had a lot more negative aspects to our relationship...aspects that led to me not speaking to him again...but in some ways it seems really similar.
it's also really similar to my roommate's situation. she just broke up with her boyfriend of two years, who she lived with and everything. she still loves him, and she still wants to be with him in the future, but she really just needs some time to think and experience new things.
i think that there are some points in time where it's necessary to change your old life to realize the things you liked about it so much, and the things you didn't like. it's healthy, as much as it sucks...i know it's given me a ridiculous amount of perspective.
i hope it works out for you too. you should take some time to spoil yourself and be girly...that's the best part of being single again. and, if you ever wanna be girly with me, i won't decline. i'm also here if you wanna talk, anytime.
much love,
sarry
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