Nobody Really Knows Where They're Supposed To Go.

So. I'm digging quite a grave for myself. I guess it's not THAT bad. Especially since after last night, I think I can get over Ethan now. For real this time. So Ethan is my best friend. And I said a lot of weird things last night. Some of which I meant and some I didn't. I still want to MB with him. That's fun. I think I did get a little emotionally fucked with the on and off dating but it's alright. I'll get over that. It's going to take me a while before I actually feel completely comfortable in a relationship again though. But it's done.

So that grave.... well, Brad wants a relationship. I still haven't talked to him about it. But he hasn't broughten it up either! But I'm pretty sure that right now I don't want to be in a relationship. I just want to be single for a little while. And actually single. Not two weeks single.

Then there's Jeff. I don't like him. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me. He just wants to hook up. I don't know if that's going to happen or not but now I feel a little awkward around him. Just a little though.

I wish James lived here. Not James Ryall obviously. This other James. He lives in Oregon and he's my cousin Chris' best friend. He used to live here but then his parents moved to Oregon. He's going to a junior college there but supposedly this year he's moving down to LA to go to APU with Chris. So our story is very short but god, if he lived here, it could possibly have worked out. So this last Thanksgiving is when I actually got to spend time with him. He comes to all Bunting family parties. So he came to Thanksgiving and we all hung out and I had to leave for a little while but then I came back and Chris, James, Laura, and I went to Jordan's house for dessert like always. We all hung out in Jordan's room and James and I became more comfortable with each other and started being flirty. Then we all decided that it would be fun to wait outside Best Buy all night for the laptop sale. So the four of us (not Jordan) went to Best Buy and hung out ALL night together. It was super cold too so we were all huddled together. (me next to James). So that was that. He went back to Oregon and that was sad.

So he's come home two or three times more since then but I am always busy (or dating someone) when he comes back. I guess he always bothers Laura about me though when he comes home and asks me to hang out. The most recent being a couple of days ago at Laura's birthday party. So it's hard for James to remember all of the Buntings (I don't blame him.) but my mom went up to him and introduced herself and he stared blankly and then when she told him that she was my mom, he perked up instantly and supposedly got a huge smile on his face and looked around and asked where I was. I had JUST left. Goddamn camping. So then my mom told me later and asked what it was all about because she didn't know. So that's that. James. The boy I'm supposed to marry. I've never told anyone that. And this entry became super long. But even though James and I only spent one night together, and nothing happened, I would give a lot to get to know him even more. He's wonderful. HOOK ME UP LAURA! (I don't think she reads this, haha) Ciao.