We Cough Too Much Now. But We're Too Young For Ourselves.

I don't feel like people care about me. Maggie told me the other day that a lot of people say really rude things to me and she noticed that I just brush it off like it's no big deal. She even admitted that she says rude things to me too. I guess I never really noticed it. Now, I see it all the time. And it's pretty true. She thinks that I've just been walked all over for a long time and I just never saw it as that. But it's true. It's always been true. I've always been the center of everyone's anger in every group that I've ever been in. Usually it's about me being too friendly and having other groups of friends that I like to hang out with. In fact, that always happens. Every group of friends I have has had that problem with me. Is that even really a problem!? To like a lot of different people? I think because I've always been laid back, I just let people be angry at me without really fighting back. I wish I knew that people care about me. It's really been bothering me lately. I know I'm probably paranoid or something but I just feel like no one really cares. I need to hear it. I need to know you care! Whoever you are. I want to know. I want to be loved. I want to feel loved. I hate when you say things about me behind my back and assume I won't hear it. I want acceptance. I want love. I want real friends. I also wish Ethan still said the kinds of things he said to me at the beginning of January. He was so in love and he would always say things like 'oh my god, I can't believe this is happening!' God, I want to feel that again.