Put Your Hands On Me, My Love.

I got back from Santa Cruz and Canada and didn't write at all. I apologize. To my blog that is, because I'm sure no one else reads this. I kind of like it that way. I don't have to censor what I'm saying.

Today I took the JC placement tests for English and Math. That was pretty much the coolest thing ever, not because it was a test because that wasn't fun, it was just the fact that I know I'm staying. For sure. Gary might even stay and go to the JC for a semester or two. He's also thinking about going to a junior college with dorms so he can move. He really loves Amanda but sometimes I'm afraid because their relationship seems unhealthy. Especially lately. I love her and I love him and I love that they're happy together, it's just hard to watch him hurting all the time. I know a lot of it is because of the mono. He blames a lot of things on the mono, it upsets people but for the most part I know it's true.

I just got back from the Rialto to visit Ethan. I love him more than anything but sometimes I get really annoyed when he calls me dumbass or moron or something. I don't like it. It's mean. I know he's kidding, but I still don't like it. Also, I wonder if it really bothers him when Dillon and I hang out together. I mean, of course nothing it going on but whenever I tell him about something we did he seems completely uninterested. Other than that our relationship is great right now. I don't think it's ever been this good. I wish we hadn't broken up those two times. We've been going out almost longer than Brad and I did. THAT is weird.

Speaking for Brad, I finally told him that I'm not moving to LA. He was really shocked at first but then when I explained my reasoning he said he was proud of me. I wonder if that's really true. I mean, when he left and we had to break up, we had always said that we might get back together when I moved down there. Now it's for sure not going to happen because I don't even have any of those feelings for him anymore. And telling him that I'm not moving down there was pretty much saying 'It's not going to happen again'. Which is good though, because I don't think either of us want that anymore. It's sad, but true. I don't even remember what it was like to hold hands with him or any of that stuff. All I picture now is Ethan. And I love that.