Like A Father To Impress. Like A Mother's Morning Dress. If (I) You Ever Make A Mess, I'll Do Anything For You.

Why is it that I can hate my dad so much sometimes and other times I love him so much? I can think of so many reasons why he pisses me off and maybe why I might even hate him but I love him. I guess you can't hate someone without loving them, right?
He's never been completely proud of me or shown an interest in things I do. I know he would have rather I played sports than did drama. He would have rather I was a good student who went straight off to college right away. He doesn't support me financially. He barely supports my mom and Kim. He's too proud to sell that goddamn boat and make some money. He works and works and works, saying that he has to because they don't have enough money but I think it's just because he isn't enough of a family man to keep his relationships and family alive. Does he cheat on Julie too? Once a cheater, always a cheater?
Why does he suck? I never realized I had so much of an issue with him until the past year. I always wanted him to love me more, hang out with me more, call me more, support me more, be more proud of me but now it's just easier to push him away. I don't call him, he only calls once a week to say hi and tell mom that the check will get there a little later than planned.
I still can't believe he did that to her. It astounds me. MY MOM?! WHO could do that to HER? Fucker.
Ok. And though I hate him, I love him. He's my dad. He's can be a good father sometimes. He's never hit me, yelled at me (in a really horrible way anyway), kicked me out of the house. He's come to all of my plays, so I can't really hate him. He's my friend.
I just hate thinking about it. I want that part of him to just leave my mind but it can't.

.Stephanie.