Do You Want To Go Dry Now So That I Can Say We're Holding On Tomorrow?

I had a mental breakdown on Sunday. It was completely random too. I was crying because I felt really sick and I was upset about other things and then I started thinking about by dad and how he cheated on my mom and what my mom must have felt because my mom is like a fucking superhero. She is like the strongest woman I've ever met and literally too. She lost so much weight and than she went back to school and she had to frickin' work at Mervyn's during Christmas last year and she hated it and then she didn't get a teaching job and she was depressed and had to be on meds and then she just overcame it all. She doesn't care about my dad anymore, except for the fact that she is mad at him for not being enough of a father to me and Kim. And she loves her job now, even though it doesn't seem like much but she really does love animals. And if she loves it, I love it. Mischa told me yesterday that my mom owns the place and without her they would be lost. She said she should be the owner. And then there's this other thing that I haven't told a lot of people because it's my mom's business and not really mine yet but lemme tell you, she's crazy. She's like amazingly crazy. If what she's doing works out, we could be... yeah. Great.
Anyway, I was just mad at my father. He's not a father. I see him every two and a half weeks, he doesn't pay child support for me anymore because I'm 18, even though my mom can barely support that, and he doesn't call. I haven't heard his voice in weeks. He doesn't even email. He should just get a myspace or something. But yeah. I don't hate him, yet, but he has pulled so much shit with us. I don't know what to think. I can't hate him. I can hate him when he's not there but when I see him, I'm reminded again why I love him. Because I do. And I don't know that he deserves that.