Everyone Knows I'm In Over My Head.

So we officially got the dog, as many of you may know. His name is Cosmo and he's 90 pounds and huge. He's a Swiss Mountain Dog, yadda yadda. He's just beautiful.

Last night I went see Guster at the Filmore with Allie, Seth, Coop, Maddie, and Kim. It was AWESOME. Better than I thought it would be. They drummer is amazing. He's so into it and he's just really good. He plays the bongo drums really well too. And there's this other guy (there's four people in the band) who doesn't sing very often but he has a very good voice. He is probably the most talented of the guys. He sings, plays guitar, bass, banjo, and harmonica. He's great. It was a really good show and they played everything I wanted them too except for Rocketship and Ramona but I knew they weren't going to play Ramona, but I love that song. They opening band was okay. They started off really cool and intense and the drums were amazing but then they just got really... like, too intense and almost suicidal sounding. Like Allie and I just sat at the table while they played because it just got weird. And they did a really weird cover of Tainted Love and it was all deep and creepy sounding but we were laughing so hard. Then their last song was good so I dunno how I feel about them. They were just weird.


(Super crappy picture off of my phone.)

It was cool hanging out with Seth again, I mean, he pisses me off a lot sometimes but he was being really cool and it was a funny little group to go with. We called Erin and Brad and people while they played their favorite songs too. Guster reminds me of Brad and Erin a lot. Mostly 'cause Erin got me hooked and Brad also loves them and we listened to them most when we were all best friends. Not that we aren't now but you get the picture. Summer after junior year. Oh how I miss you.

.Stephanie.

So Let's Get Together... Before We Get Much Older.

I just met our new potential dog. His name as of now is Doug but I don't think Kim will let it stay that. He's frickin' huge. He's Swiss Mountain dog. Pure bred. Would be EXTREMELY expensive if we bought him but since he's a lost dog and no one claimed him, he's ours! So we're not 100% getting him yet but I want to. Kim definitely wants to. He's a little scary looking because he was HUGE BLUE eyes and they're like clear. It's actually a little frightening. But he's beautiful. He's black and white and carmel colored and his head is as big as mine. He's like almost as big as a St. Bernard or something. He does drool a lot, and his poo is very large. And his tail is a bigger whip than Star's is. He also tried to hump her but ya know... he just got his balls cut off (practically) so we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. He is beautiful though. But NOT allowed iin my room. I just hope Boots doesn't run away.

.Stephanie.

You Say You're Looking For Someone Who's Never Weak, But Always Strong.

101 Dalmations is an awesome movie. The live one. It's so amazing. Hugh Laurie is beautiful. Not so much in this movie but he's hilarious. He's not all that witty, he's dumb, dirty, scruffy, and he does all of these stunts like hitting his head, falling on his ass, getting bitten by puppies. It's just something that you laugh at a lot because it's so... un-House-like of him. And Mr. Weasley from the Harry Potter movies is Horace, the other loon. They remind me of the idiots in Home Alone. It's just a weird role to see House in.



Joely Richardson from Nip/Tuck is in it too. She's awesome. And actually British in this movie, so her voice isn't all weird and trying to sound American.
(Oh man, their van just lit on fire. House is screaming. Ahahahaha...)

Oh and this is for Sarah:



.Stephanie.

And I Got My Defenses When It Comes To Your Intentions For Me.

Oh what a Patty's Day it was. In bed by 11:45. Sheesh.
Except I went to a show and The Grand Color Crayon really does rock. Too bad I don't do well with getting smacked in the face, boob, arm, stomach, ect...

.Stephanie.

My Heart Can't Possibly Break If It Wasn't Even Whole To Start With.

I've kind of been wanting to watch Donnie Darko lately. It's one of my favorites but I'm afraid I'll fall asleep if I try to watch it now.
Why does Jena Malone get to be with SO many hotties? Jealous am I? Yes.
She has been opposite Jake Gyllenhaal, Hayden Christensen, Emile Hirsch, Ryan Gosling, Patrick Fugit, and sort of Jude Law in Cold Mountain (for like a second). So wtf! She's cool and everything though, but seriously. Lucky, lucky girl. Jake, Hayden, and Emile are like my favorites! Boo.

So the song "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson is actually a lot sadder to me than I thought because I thought it was just about some dude but it's about her parents. It's about her parents getting divorced and when I actually found that out and heard the song again, it made me cry. Lame I know but it's a really sad song actually.

Last night I saw Kiss Me, Kate and I liked it. I don't want to go into a whole thing about it but I did like it. I think it's the worst of the three but mainly thats just because of the story. I liked everyone in it, especially the new freshman guy. He was really good! I think that was the part Lachlan was supposed to have. He would have been good too but this guy was just such a lil cutie. He was perfect for the role. Just like that kid from Third Rock From The Sun that played the equivalent of him in 10 Things I Hate About You. Ethan kept comparing them even though it's different but it's still fun to compare. So yeah, I'm not going to go into it but I liked it.

So today is St. Patty's Day. I think we're going to Bryce's out in Sebastapol. I'm sort of sad I can't be in Santa Cruz with the girls. Bah. They sound like they're going to have a lot of fun. Oh well, it's all good. Maybe I'll actually drink tonight. Huggtt.
.Stephanie.

'Cause I Don't Need Boxes Wrapped In Strings And Designer Love And Empty Things.

Dream Recap:

Last night I dreamt that I was in a house going down to the basement where I found a little baby. I knew the baby was in trouble so I took him and ran out of the house. I ended up at some child services place (but it was really more like a grassy field with a desk on it) and I told the lady that I needed to rescue this child because it was being molested. It was just a baby but I was holding it and trying to convince her that I should take care of it. I said I wanted to adopt it and she told me I had to wait while they cleared everything up with the parents of the baby.
I sat on a bench holding the baby but the weird thing was, the baby could talk. Normally! So I talked to the baby and the baby was sad and said it didn't have a mother and that his dad hurt him and molested him and he wanted me to love him. I told the baby that I loved him and he looked at me like he believed me. Because I did love him.
So then I got up and walked around the field a little bit, waiting, holding the baby still. The child service's lady came over to me and asked me why I never loved the father. I looked at her strangley and then I started to cry. I looked at the baby and I looked across the field and HOUSE was standing on the other side of the field. He was looking all sad, leaning against his cane. He had that really sad House face that he gets when he's upset at something.
So I stared at House and I was crying and holding the baby and I said something like "I did love him! I loved him more than anything!" I just cried and cried and House just stood there and I didn't want to give him the baby back because I was scared and I knew it was my baby too.

Whew. What a weird fucking dream. Sometimes when they stick with me all day like that one, I like to write them down here.
.Stephanie.

Moving On Down The Street, I See The People I Won't Ever Meet.

Ethan's step-brother, Dan, showed him this online mini-series called The House of Cosbys that was cancelled a lil while back. It was cancelled because Bill Cosby's lawyers got angry and told the guy who made them to stop. But my point to all you Lonely Island fans out there, is that the three Dudes did voices on the show. I saw the episodes at Ethan's but I'm not sure you can find them online anymore. It's a really stupid show but it's hilarious too and the Dudes are basically the best part about it.



I really need attend my math class. I've missed it 7 times this whole semester and we still have a month and a half left.
BAD. I need to make a vow to myself to go to that class for the rest of the semester. Guh. I also missed my Political Science class today because I forgot to set an alarm and I think Ethan was kinda upset about it. OK. Going to class is a good thing.
I wish I was doing a play right now. Kind of.
I wish I had a job. Or something. I feel like I'm not doing anything with myself. I am going to school though. That's good. I don't know what I'm even rambling on about anymore.
.Stephanie.

A Greeting I Send To You. Short And Sweet To The Soul I Intend.

Fuckin' dreams always ruining things. Not really but they suck sometimes.

Because You Know What? I'm Gorgeous. And My Job With My Gorgeousness Is To Serve The People.

Sarah is awesome for basically thinking like I do.

I really want to buy the X-files Season 1 on DVD. I used to watch it every night with my dad and Kim. I had a secret crush on David Duchovny and it really was a secret because I thought it was embarrassing to have a crush on someone who was almost as old as my dad.
(Fox Mulder on The X-files):


Other awesome (and sometimes hilarious) secret childhood crushes:
Christian Bale (Laurie in Little Women):


Michael J. Fox (Marty McFly in Back To The Future):


Matthew Broderick (Ferris Bueller in Ferris Bueller's Day Off):


Rick Moranis (Wayne Szalinski in Honey I Shrunk The Kids):


Jeff Goldblum (Dr. Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park):


The one of Rick Moranis is the best. I laughed so hard when I found it.
.Stephanie.

Like A Father To Impress. Like A Mother's Morning Dress. If (I) You Ever Make A Mess, I'll Do Anything For You.

Why is it that I can hate my dad so much sometimes and other times I love him so much? I can think of so many reasons why he pisses me off and maybe why I might even hate him but I love him. I guess you can't hate someone without loving them, right?
He's never been completely proud of me or shown an interest in things I do. I know he would have rather I played sports than did drama. He would have rather I was a good student who went straight off to college right away. He doesn't support me financially. He barely supports my mom and Kim. He's too proud to sell that goddamn boat and make some money. He works and works and works, saying that he has to because they don't have enough money but I think it's just because he isn't enough of a family man to keep his relationships and family alive. Does he cheat on Julie too? Once a cheater, always a cheater?
Why does he suck? I never realized I had so much of an issue with him until the past year. I always wanted him to love me more, hang out with me more, call me more, support me more, be more proud of me but now it's just easier to push him away. I don't call him, he only calls once a week to say hi and tell mom that the check will get there a little later than planned.
I still can't believe he did that to her. It astounds me. MY MOM?! WHO could do that to HER? Fucker.
Ok. And though I hate him, I love him. He's my dad. He's can be a good father sometimes. He's never hit me, yelled at me (in a really horrible way anyway), kicked me out of the house. He's come to all of my plays, so I can't really hate him. He's my friend.
I just hate thinking about it. I want that part of him to just leave my mind but it can't.

.Stephanie.

And I'll Never Promise To Be True To Anyone. Unless It's You.

I'm reinventing my blog with this post. The other posts will stay but this is the start of a new kind of blog. It started off being the place I could vent and be sad or emo or whatever at. But I haven't had any reason to be upset lately so the plan has backfired and I haven't been writing. Livejournal has lost my interest for some reason so maybe this will make me want to write more stuff. It's going to be a whatever blog. If I'm sad, I'll say sad stuff. If I'm happy, it'll be a happy blog. No more discrimination.

Today I figured out all the rest of the classes I need to transfer. Since I'm in the nursing program I will most likely be at the JC for 3 years instead of 2. That's ok with me though. I'm not in any hurry. It's mainly because the nurse classes don't all fall into transferring categories so some are classes on top of my other classes that will help me transfer. Phew.
Once I finish Biology, I will have 4 more lab classes to take before I transfer. I'll take Chemistry, Anatomy, Physiology, and Microbiology. Sounds fun, right? Bah.

I really hope this goes through and I end up finishing all the classes I need to become a nurse. It's kind of a been a big change for a lot of people, seeing me as a nurse and all. I just want everyone to know that I still want to act but right now, there is just no possible way I can make that happen. I don't like the drama program at the JC, it's worse that Montgomery in the unnecessary drama sense. I would rather audition and really get out there but for now, I don't have the time or money to do that. I want to go to school and transfer and get this nursing thing so that if acting never happens for me I have a sturdy job under my belt. I'm planning on transferring to San Francisco because they have a good nurse program and I could audition there. Lauren and I talked about certain acting programs there are in San Francisco and getting agents. Obviously right now I don't have the money for that. So I'm giving acting a little rest right now. I just want everyone to support me.

I guess that's all I really have to say right now.
.Stephanie.